Before reading Counselling for Toads: A Psychological Adventure,I read Alfred Adler’s What Life Should Mean to You which states how deeply the childhood can affect us. In Robert’s book,I learned more details about views in the form of animal perspectives.
A life axis
When we’re four or five years old, we try to ask ourselves two questions:
- Am I well-bing?
- Are others well-being?
Different answers will build a life axis.
I’m fine. | I’m not fine. | |
---|---|---|
You’re fine. | Zone A | Zone B |
You’re not fine. | Zone C | Zone D |
When we are in Zone B,we’ll fall into a spiral of inferiority. We’re going to play a PLOM(poor little old me). We hope that no matter what we do, we will be loved and respected by others.
When we are in Zone C, we think we have power and authority in our pockets. We used to saying why do you always disappoint me and how dare you?
Eventually,Zone A is a brave choice.
There are also references to the self-states of children, adults and parents, which is a good way to clarify yourself. But I think one of the things that helped me a lot in the book was the idea of looking at the state of the self as an outsider.
Genuinely respond to the needs of the present
In fact, we don’t have to secretly or unconsciously cooperate with others to create unhappiness. How long are we going to blame others for our unhappiness? We should live a real life, sincerely respond to the needs of the moment, and find the real self, in order to break the causal cycle brought by childhood and free ourselves from the shackles of past experiences.
Self-testify prophecy
Sometimes we get used to using self-corroborating prophecies to control events in advance to make sure they come true. Through this process, we assume the feelings of others and assign blame to ourselves. No criticism is stronger than self-criticism, and no judge is more critical than ourselves. But we need to make the transition from blame to responsibility, realizing that we have the power to change the situation and ourselves.
It may be harsh to say, Toad, but the only person who can help you is you and only you. There are many questions you need to ask yourself. Can you stop being self-critical? Can you be kind to yourself? Perhaps the most important question is, can you begin to love yourself?